Today I am extremely stressed, my family is having issues and its taking its toll on me. My life seems to be spinning and it wont stop, I'm nervous about my anatomy grade and I am extremely behind in creative writing. I have everything started but cant seem to find the inspiration to finish my stories I have had writers block for about 2 weeks now and its getting really annoying. With graduation getting closer and Mr. Thorson pushing me to keep my grades up im starting to worry more about my procrastination and it never fails it happens every year I push things off and out of my mind until its almost too late then I get stressed and bust my butt to get it done. I know I shouldn't procrastinate and every year I tell myself its gonna be different this year it never fails, some habits die hard. I need to learn to do what I'm supposed to do when i m supposed to do it not push it off. I'm worried that Mr. Thorson wont let me go on my vacations this summer while I'm on diversion. I also am worried that he wont let me go with my brother next Saturday to see Sugarland. though he let me go to winter royalty I don't think he will let me go to post prom and that saddens me because last year I was only at prom for about 30 min and didn't go to post prom instead I watched my boyfriend at the time get high and drunk to the point where I had to cary him home and sit there wile he slept to make sure he didn't hurt himself. last year was not fun for me at all, I missed out on alot of stuff and defiantly wish I would have acted different. My goals this year were to get involved and so far I haven't done too much with that, I work every Friday pretty much so I missed out on all the football games. I haven't been in the big gym once other than for pep rallies and it really shouldn't be that way. I love drama but don't feel like I was as involved as I wanted to be this year which is sad because I feel like its a big part of my life and feel like I should have embraced it a little more, I have decided that I want to do it through college and hopefully longer. I decided that I shouldn't do the spring play as much as I really wanted to, it was the hardest decision I have made all year, I decided not to because for some reason even when I ask for the days off from work for drama I always end up being scheduled and I didn't want to have the heartbreak of being terminated from the play again. I try and put my heart into everything I do and I don't like being less that determined to do something. but mistakes were made schedules clashed and consequences suffered. sometimes I wish I could just go back and be better but I know I cant and it still stings when I think about the last play, I cried that day and I know it sounds stupid and childish and maybe it was but I was just so shocked and hurt about it. Next year I hope to be better and even though Rowse wont be the director I know I had some good times working with her in the past. I am just going to hold my head up high and hope for the best. as for my grades I think I caught my self in good time this year and intend to start getting things done. I hope to be caught up in creative writing by next week, like I said I have everything started I just need to find the inspiration to finish it. I haven't been able to write a blog for the longest time, and now it just keeps poring out of course its just me venting and getting things off my mind but a blog none the less. So lets hope that i can get all my stories done. I think my problem is I have this awesome idea and start writing about it and then suddenly I cant write anymore. Usually for me if I cant seem to write anymore my poem, writing, story is done but none of my stories make sense right now so I don't know what is wrong with me. well I feel a little better having written all this but sadly I am still stressed

Torri Alexi Mayes
3-7-11