ugh so today was long ready for so relaxation with aaron woop woop. i spent the entire day cleaing from when i got home from class at one till about five yuck :( oh well a much needed clean and now i have a beautuful house aaah the feeling of freshness. well aaron came home early from his hunting trip so now im (we) are making a nice dinner for us :) im so exctied stuffed porkchops with jalapeno popper pizzas and for desert some yummy apple tarts :) love it well gtg love ya all

journal

a while ago my councilor told me to start a journal to help me deal with my problems and to keep my self under control so i have decided to use thit as my journal :) first off today im in abittersweet mood my mommy is having a bday party for me but at the same time i dont feel important to some people you see me nd my roomate were bf/gf but we broke up a couple weeks ago. abviously i still love him and  sadly he doesnt feel the same anymore anyways i just dont get it we are lile a roler coaster one day hes nice and the next hes a dick just dont understand :( oh well im gonn make the best of today and hope his attitude changes i mean its my day the least he could do is be nice to me ugh oh well ttyl :)

Better days :)

soo lately i have been super stressed and upset to the point that i was sick. but a few good days have made my life oh so much better. first off my bf situation is much better we are achually not fighing all the time anymore, let me tell you the last few months have been hell on mine and his heart. yeah we are still broken up and living together but we have gotten over the fighting and arguing and not wanting to be around eachother. you know they always say it alwas darkest before dawn. anyways life its self has been doing me justice my birthday is in oh about 6 days :)))and i am soooo excited. im gonna be nineteen and well i guess there isnt much too exciting with that but anywhosers its still my bday haha tomorrow my mom is having a bday party for me because my brother and sister-in-law are back :) and i have been hearing through a little birdy that aaron is planning a party for me so im excited about that to and then on my achuall bday im gonna party it up :) hell ya! i cant wait to be a nother year older...just think its not gonna be too long befor im gonna be dreading my bday ugh i dont even wanna think about being old and wrinkley haha well i hope that when im old and wrinkley aaron will be old and wrinkley with me beside me :) well ta ta for now :)

woooooow

ugh im so sick of this seriously your my ex and we still live together i know you are single and i dont need reminded of it every damn day. im tired of listening to you talk about all these fucking chicks that your talking to now...seriously i dont need you to tell me that the chick you were with lastnight had a nice ass...REALY!!! save that shit for when your with you guys not with me. idiot its hard enough getting over you as it is. so stop making it worse. im not stupid you do this shit just to piss me off because you know that it does, and then im a bitch and im anoying when i stand up for myself and let you know that it hurts me. i just dont get it if you dont want me then why do you try to piss me off and make me jealous and shit. since you dont want me then dont bring it up just stopp. and your so much like a yoyo its rediculous.one day you dont wanna be around me and the next we are having a good time together. my heart cant take it. oh and then thinking about or planning to have other girls over...its no wonder i have nightmarers of you killing me because in a sence thats what your doing. ughh why cant it just be like it was. we werent perfect but at least we were something. whatever...im just sick of everything :(

Only a few more days

School is almost out and I can not wait. Summer is going to be a blast and so will my next year. I start Northeast in the fall and will do my generals there and maybe even get into the PTA program. So far my life is looking up and going to the stars. My family and I are getting along better than ever and I couldn't be more happy about it. Its nice to come home and not have to be yelled at or here my parents fighting about something I did or something I said. My Boyfriend and I are better than ever and my friends and I are just happy going with the flow. One of my friends just recently found out she is pregnant and even though she is young, I couldn't be more happy for her, she is such a good person and she will be a great mommy. She could do without her boyfriend though. I really do not like him, he just isn't good for her or too her. But I guess if she is happy so am I. I just hope he doen't do something stupid like hurt her. He will never hear the end of it from her and me and all her other friends. Well my mom bought all the decorations for my graduation party and looking at it all made me even more excited to graduate. We are doing a tropical theme for my party because of mine and my moms trip to Mexico this summer. Prom is in a couple weeks and my dress still isn't here, I ordered it from some company in china and am really wishing I had just found one here. Aaron's Tux is so awesome, he had been joking with me for the longest time that he was gonna wear a camo tux and I'm like NO!! We went about a week ago to order it and he was still talking about camo so I told him that he could have a camo vest but the rest is black with an orange tie and a orange pocket square. My dress is orange and I am so excited to get it...hopefully it gets here soon. To match Aaron's vest I decided to get a camo guarder. When i told my mom that her face was priceless and she said "camo!?" oh well it makes Aaron happy and me smile so I'm super okay with it all. Thank the good lord that my life is finally turning around and i have never been in a better situation or mood.

Torri Alexi Mayes
4-13-11

Today I am extremely stressed, my family is having issues and its taking its toll on me. My life seems to be spinning and it wont stop, I'm nervous about my anatomy grade and I am extremely behind in creative writing. I have everything started but cant seem to find the inspiration to finish my stories I have had writers block for about 2 weeks now and its getting really annoying. With graduation getting closer and Mr. Thorson pushing me to keep my grades up im starting to worry more about my procrastination and it never fails it happens every year I push things off and out of my mind until its almost too late then I get stressed and bust my butt to get it done. I know I shouldn't procrastinate and every year I tell myself its gonna be different this year it never fails, some habits die hard. I need to learn to do what I'm supposed to do when i m supposed to do it not push it off. I'm worried that Mr. Thorson wont let me go on my vacations this summer while I'm on diversion. I also am worried that he wont let me go with my brother next Saturday to see Sugarland. though he let me go to winter royalty I don't think he will let me go to post prom and that saddens me because last year I was only at prom for about 30 min and didn't go to post prom instead I watched my boyfriend at the time get high and drunk to the point where I had to cary him home and sit there wile he slept to make sure he didn't hurt himself. last year was not fun for me at all, I missed out on alot of stuff and defiantly wish I would have acted different. My goals this year were to get involved and so far I haven't done too much with that, I work every Friday pretty much so I missed out on all the football games. I haven't been in the big gym once other than for pep rallies and it really shouldn't be that way. I love drama but don't feel like I was as involved as I wanted to be this year which is sad because I feel like its a big part of my life and feel like I should have embraced it a little more, I have decided that I want to do it through college and hopefully longer. I decided that I shouldn't do the spring play as much as I really wanted to, it was the hardest decision I have made all year, I decided not to because for some reason even when I ask for the days off from work for drama I always end up being scheduled and I didn't want to have the heartbreak of being terminated from the play again. I try and put my heart into everything I do and I don't like being less that determined to do something. but mistakes were made schedules clashed and consequences suffered. sometimes I wish I could just go back and be better but I know I cant and it still stings when I think about the last play, I cried that day and I know it sounds stupid and childish and maybe it was but I was just so shocked and hurt about it. Next year I hope to be better and even though Rowse wont be the director I know I had some good times working with her in the past. I am just going to hold my head up high and hope for the best. as for my grades I think I caught my self in good time this year and intend to start getting things done. I hope to be caught up in creative writing by next week, like I said I have everything started I just need to find the inspiration to finish it. I haven't been able to write a blog for the longest time, and now it just keeps poring out of course its just me venting and getting things off my mind but a blog none the less. So lets hope that i can get all my stories done. I think my problem is I have this awesome idea and start writing about it and then suddenly I cant write anymore. Usually for me if I cant seem to write anymore my poem, writing, story is done but none of my stories make sense right now so I don't know what is wrong with me. well I feel a little better having written all this but sadly I am still stressed

Torri Alexi Mayes
3-7-11 

summertime

This summer is going to be crazy :) first off its GRADUATION!! then my mom and I are going to Mexico with one of my friends and her mom, then two days after I get back from Mexico I'm going to Colorado with my Choir. then I'm home for a while just hanging out with Friends cookouts going to the lake flip-flop tans and most of all riding with Aaron on the back of his bike :) he took me on my first ride today and I'm super excited for it to be spring. Into July I'm going to go to Montana to visit family there and shop :) summer nights are going to be amazing and my days are going to be full and busy yikes...but its worth it.

Torri Alexi Mayes
2-18-11